He was neatly dressed in a casual suit and tie, as I recall, and he stood waiting to speak to me.  My wife, realizing that I didn’t recognize him, discreetly whispered in my ear, as we stood in the foyer of our church.

«It’s Alice!» *   At once I could see in the eyes and smooth facial features the young woman that I had watched grow up.  It had been several years since she had attended a local college on a sports scholarship before  moving away.

«Well, hello»  I said with a smile.  «I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you at first but I’m so glad to see you.»

«That’s OK. I am visiting with my mom today, and wanted to speak to you before we left from the worship service.  And I just wanted to thank you for the way you encouraged me and my mom years ago.  You have always been very important to me.»

I thought of those summers at Church Camp, where Alice* out-performed the guys on the basketball court.  I knew the family well.  What I didn’t know was her struggle with gender identity,

As our conversation continued, he  spoke of a wife and a home in Canada, and a little about  his work there.

Left unspoken was the trans-gender journey.  I would learn more the following Sunday when I visited with her mom, who thanked me for spending time with her now adult child.

«You will need to bring me up-to-date», I inquired,  «There’s obviously a part of the story that I don’t know.»

Her mother explained how for some years her daughter thought she must be gay, but never quite felt satisfied with this explanation, feeling that there was more to her story.  She had medical tests done, which revealed male sexual genetic markers.

Admittedly, I was ignorant of this phenomenon.  I would later learn that Alice*  was now Alex*, and quite comfortable with his identity.  His mom also shared that public restrooms were a challenge, and that he had been physically assaulted when forced to use a restroom that coincided with his gender assumed at birth.

There was a time when I would have insisted that such people did not really exist, or that they had some kind of mental problem.  I would have found them to be an inconvenient contrast to my view of gender expression and identity.  Perhaps I would have cited verses from the Genesis creation narrative to prove that they did not really exist at all, and that to suggest otherwise was an attack on the Christian faith.

Yet, there before me stood Alex* whom I had known as Alice*, who dared to attend a worship service at his former home church, and trusted I would not insult him or reject him.  In that moment I realized that he was not «the other», but a part of «The Greater We.»  I was a part of his story, and he mine.

According to the American Psychiatric Association:

The term “transgender” is not a psychiatric diagnosis. It is used to refer to a person whose sex assigned at birth (usually based on the appearance of external genitalia) does not align with their gender identity (one’s psychological sense of their gender). Some people who identify as transgender do experience “gender dysphoria,” a psychiatric diagnosis that refers to the psychological distress that results from an incongruence between one’s sex assigned at birth and one’s gender identity. Though gender dysphoria can sometimes begin in childhood, some people may not experience it until after puberty or much later.
(https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/gender-dysphoria/what-is-gender-dysphoria )

During the past year I have learned a lot about those who for whatever reason do not conform to my presuppositions.  So I have felt compelled to better understand that which I would never experience.

Take, for example, an apparently female intersex person with Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome.  Not exactly the same as trans, this apparent female should have been born male, but due to a hormonal irregularity (AIS) , developed as a female without ovaries but with internal testes. In light of this reality, would we not conclude that somehow «God had created them as both male and female»?

So as a follower of Jesus, what do I do when I encounter a person who does not fit my assumptions?

Do I feel that somehow I must help God by denying this person’s existence?  That I should assign some sort of grievous immorality, or as some Christians do, categorize the non-conforming person as demonic?

Do I resort to a strategy similar to that of a former Iranian president who said  «In Iran we don’t have homosexuals like in your country.»   It was later clarified that he was not doubting the existence of gays, but simply comparing countries, knowing full well that a consensual homosexual relationship was a capital crime in Iran.

Yet there I was, in the foyer of my church, unexpectedly speaking to a trans man, a person  whom I cared deeply about.

There are churches which will accept and which will walk beside these marginalized folk. These churches do not fear some alleged «trans agenda».  They are not swayed by the efforts to demonize yet another marginalized people.

These churches are concerned about the toxicity of the  Christian Nationalism which refuses to accept the separation of church and state, and would create a theocracy.  They are concerned about the attacks on immigrants, on diversity, on equity, on inclusion.  They are concerned about the antisemitic «you will not replace us» chants.

And these churches care about the trans person whose only agenda may be to find authenticity in one’s life, and a safe place to relieve a full bladder.

*not the real name

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

• (not the real name,)