“I Talk to God”

I have a dear Black friend who with her husband lived in Japan until returning to the United States in 2011.  Their son and  daughter,  both born in Japan,  were introduced to “the Black experience” as adolescents.

“I knew I was not Japanese, but I never knew I was Black until I came to the U.S.,” her daughter once told me. “So now I’m trying to decide if I’m Blackenese or Jafrican-American.” In Japan, it seems, “Black” is just not a thing.  Her skin tone is not an identity. She had really never thought about it.

Recently, her mom Vanessa shared with me:

I did not have the ‘talk’ with my children about the police. I prayed for God’s protection in every circumstance. I taught them God’s word and how to apply it. It still scares me sometimes to realize what danger they are in just because of their skin color, but I have given it to God and I will not take it back.

What is the Talk?

The Talk is a lot like Vanessa’s silent prayer of prevention and protection; it’s just spoken aloud.

There have been many iterations of The Talk, but the essence is: Don’t forget you’re Black and therefore you have to take extra precautions not to be misunderstood by white people. Parents of Black children are now having the talk with their elementary children.

Often it’s what to do in the presence of a policeman. Don’t wear hoodies. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Be polite. Say yes sir, no sir. Don’t show anger or frustration. Don’t run. Watch your hands. Don’t move without permission. Always be compliant.”

Sometimes The Talk Doesn’t Help

Six years ago (September 4, 2014) a Black man pulled into a convenience store after work.
As he stepped out of his car a state trooper suddenly appeared next to the gas pumps.

“Can I see your license, please!” Levar knew well the Talk!

With an obvious desire to comply, he reached back into the car for the requested documentation. To his utter shock, the trooper screamed at him to get away from his car. Again startled, he attempted to obey. The trooper pulled his weapon and fired twice, hitting Levar once. Literally assuming the “hands up, don’t shoot” posture, Leavar backed away from his car.” The trooper fired twice more, bullets missing.

“Sir, why did you shoot me?” As Levar bled from a painful, bullet wound to the hip, the trooper added insult to injury by screaming more commands and cuffing his hands behind him. “What did I do, sir?” Levar continued to ask, his wallet with license still on the ground in front of him.

Although I did not know Levar, I immediately thought of him after viewing the Jacob Blake video. I wanted to reach out to him, hoping to find out how he was doing after six years. To my surprise, he immediately replied:

Peace and BLESSINGS brother. Thank you for your concern and compassion for your fellow American. The officer was fired, charged, he pled guilty and was sentenced to 10 years. … The sentence was suspended to 5 years, he only did 3.

At the sentencing hearing, Lavar explained to the judge that he was raised in a Christian home, and taught to respect people. Three years after the unjustified shooting Levar described the emotional impact – Traumatized, afraid of policeman in spite of having a friend and relative in law enforcement. Personal relationships destroyed. Meaningful employment more difficult. Yet haunted by an agonizing night in the hospital without freedom of movement, given no pain meds, and treated “like a caged animal.” Never charged with anything.

A modest financial settlement had covered his legal and hospital bills, but did not address the trauma. He wrote me:

All to have my life publicized, destroyed, then forgotten. God has brought me a long way. Besides some moments of PTSD, I am well and just blessed that God used me to take evil and turn it around. Once again thank you and be blessed brother….. #MyLifeMatters

Too Much Hate Talk

Brandon is very much like a son to me, one I am very proud of.  As a Black man, now grown with a family of his own, he worries about his safety and their future.   The Jacob Blake video was extremely troubling. From his hotel room while on a business trip a few weeks ago, he explained why:

I’m a father and I can’t seem to shake how a father gets shot not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6, but 7 times in the back at all! Let alone when his kids are in the car.
Hear me say this…
I DONT CARE ABOUT HIS RECORD!!!!!!!!!
I DONT CARE ABOUT HIS COMPLYING OR NOT!!!!!!!!!
I DONT CARE WHY HE KEPT WALKING TO HIS CAR!!!!!!!!!!!
I CARE ABOUT HIM AS A FATHER!!!!!!!!!
I CARE ABOUT HIM AS A BLACK MAN!!!!!!!!!
I CARE ABOUT HIM AS A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!

Not wanting to dwell on the video, he grabbed his COVID mask and headed to the hotel gym. As he passed by a sitting area near the lobby, one of the guests apparently perceived his “blackness” as a threat..

“You scared the sh*t out of me!” He kept walking; she kept shouting. “If I had a gun, I woulda shot you!”

Brandon ended his Facebook post with:

Could she be racist? Hear me say this…
I DONT CARE!!!!!! I thought about her words and I thought about my kids and thought what if she did have a gun, then what •••••••
The power of your words can cause more damage than you realize. The power of hate is causing more damage than you realize.
When will there be a day and time when you look at people like me and treat us like a good neighbor?

Time to Listen

Kenya Young is an NPR Executive Producer currently of Morning Edition, formerly of All Things Considered.

An accomplished professional, she is also a mother of three sons. She recalls the birth of her youngest as “the time of  Philando Castile and Alton Sterling.”

One need not produce two of the country’s premier radio news programs to be aware of the crisis. One needs only to be Black, in her case a Black mom of a new baby boy.  She was very transparent about that moment recently in an NPR Life Kit podcast called  Discussing ‘The Talk’.

And I had many moments where I was holding him or nursing him and crying as I did so. Because, while I loved this little bundle of joy immensely, also just the amount of fear and worry for who I just brought into the world again, another Black son, and the burdens that I have to carry with that again. It was really raw for me around that time.

Kenya is weary of the Talk. Now she concludes with:

This just isn’t fair, you guys. But this is the way the world is. This is the way America is right now. It’s the way it’s been for a long time. And I can’t lie to you, I don’t think it’s going to change in your lifetime. And it’s just not fair for us to have to live like this.

She also has a version for her white co-workers. It begins like this:

Are you here with me? You know, are you still a little bit further behind trying to catch up? Or are you finally here with me now? Are we ready to have this conversation? What’s your next step? What’s my next step? And what is our next step together?